I Wasn't Looking At Your Boobs!

On my way to work today, an evil bitch of a woman sprays herself with perfume that chokes me for the rest of my ride. I alsmot want to pull the emergency cord and push her onto the tracks. The Russian is back. It's weird but she asks how my weekend was and is friendly with me. I am cautious around her. Waiting for her to strike. An Asian man orders something but all I am focused on is his Sigfriend and Roy sweatshirt. There is a Hot Chocolate craze today because of the freezing weather outside. A woman orders regualr coffee with soy milk. I get it for and she brings it back. It has chunks in it. I assume the milk is sour but upon inspection, it is fine. I pour her another cup and the same thing happens. The coffee must be sour or something. Weird. In between tracks of bad Spanish guitar (seriously, whoever is playing is awful) they play a remix of Britney Spears' "Everytime" and I shake my booty just so much that no one could really tell. I have to hide my love of her in public for fear of being stoned to death. I see a woman sitting in front of me who looks too much like one of my quasi-lesbian fag hags. I miss her. Brooke Sheilds came in today. (I guess that old woman wasn't lying...or perhaps she is just stalking Ms. Shields.) I go to charge her but then realize who she is and the Spaniard tells me not to charge her. She is six months preggers. I tell her "Congratulations." and she thanks me. She has long brunette hair that just reachesthe top of her bossom. She has a radiance about her and she is as beautiful as a pregnant woman can be. She tips me $5 or $6 and I don't have the heart to refuse her kindness and tell her I do not recieve any of that money. I have to remember to tell her next time she comes in that I will help her plot the assassination of Tom Cruise. A black woman comes in with the most GIGANTIC afro I have ever seen. I quickly get her drink and then turn my back to her to "observe" the flavor shots on the shelf behind me but I am really masking my laughter and mockery of her ridiculous hairstyle. I wonder if she will come in tomorrow so I can bring my beard trimmer to cut the giant dead moose hide off of her tiny tiny head. I have to keep telling people that the bathroom door is closed because someone is in there. These people really want me to piss in their coffee and call it half and half. My friend who silently makes the coffee behind me makes the weird concoction that he loves. Mocha powder, Hot Chocloate powder, half and half, ice and whipped cream on top. He makes me taste it and I can feel the fat ruching to my thighs. It disgusts me. I am waiting for him to hurl. He doesn't, unfortunately. Since I drank Starbucks on my way to work today, I decide to make myseld decaf coffee. It starts to make m fall asleep so I add espresso. I paid for it later when I was going crazy and demanding people who just walk in tell me what they want before they even make it to the counter. I can now empty the espresso machine in one big WHACK on the side of the garbage can. It makes me feel straight and manly. I rock. A college aged girl comes in wearing a white belly sweater (that's right, sweater) over a baby blue tank top with a white khaki skirt ove black leggings with tan Uggs. She is brave wearing this in public but oddly enough she pulls it off well. I tell her I like her weater and the way she says "thanks" makes me think, she thinks I am looking at her boobs. Ew. I start talking Spanglish in my head, filling in English words with the few Spanish words I do know. I wonder how this will osund if I ever speak in such a language. A small black woman comes in and orders a frozen cappucino. I think she is crazy because it's below 20 degrees outside. She says that everyone she works with orders them all the time and she wants to get in on the action. The cappucino mix that I have is frozen. I stick it by the stove and she says she'll be back in 20 minutes. It's not thawing that fast so I fill a coffee pitcher with hot water and put it in. It seems to work better. By the time she comes back, enough has melted to make three drinks. I make hers, she orders one for her co-worker who is with her. I make a couble by accident. I offer the rest for free. She takes it and tells me she loves me. She says she works across the street and they will give me discounts if I ever go inside. I love her too. I like her hair too. Black girls almost always have awesome hair.